Eulogy for Herry Lawford
Whilst Herry documented his life in great detail through his online journal, he still remained an enigma to most who knew him. So, I appealed to his family and friends, and am hugely grateful for their memories of him. Much of what I am about to say comes from them. They have helped lighten my load today and have added to what I now realise was my own limited perspective of Herry.
Shining through these memories are Herry’s best qualities: humour and sense of fun, friendship, love of family, integrity, generosity, concern for others, and spirituality. He had the gift of discernment and judgement and could see, and prize, what is precious and valuable in people. We all remember his sense of style and he seemed to take any opportunity to live well, not as a rehearsal for later, but as precious time to be used. He was also remarkably erudite, curious and observant.
Herry was born near here at Litchfield, to Patrick and Annette Lawford. In 1950, the family moved to Stocks Farm in Meonstoke, where Herry spent the formative years of his life with his brothers Piers and Fairfax (known to all as Fuff). It was an idyllic childhood; filled with tennis and cricket, milking cows and driving tractors, and the house always busy with friends and family.
The Shand family were amongst those friends, and their daughter Camilla, now our queen consort, and Herry were playmates. When he died she was advised of the news of her childhood chum and replied saying: “Thank you for your letter telling me the sad news about Herry’s death. I remember well our happy holidays at Hall Place with my grandmother and the time spent with all the Lawfords.
I seem to recall that Herry rescued me from drowning… My mother thought I was just waving at her, but Herry noticed I was in more serious trouble!”
Who knew that Herry’s action that day had unwittingly changed the course of our royal history?
Herry’s online journal is testimony to the many people whose friendship he cherished. Throughout his life Herry made friends wherever he went and to him friendship was unconditional and lifelong. I became a friend of Herry’s when, aged five, we began our education at Miss Etheridge’s School in Droxford, where we found ourselves the only two boys amongst a gaggle of fourteen girls – at that age we were running away from them, not after them – we learnt to run fast! For the next 72 years his friendship never wavered.
Herry’s education continued at St Ronan’s prep in Hawkhurst, then to Winchester College and, in 1964, he secured a place at the new faculty of law at Southampton University.
It was at university that Herry’s great affair with the motor car began. Charlie Skipwith has regaled me with many stories of Herry’s adventures, and prangs, in cars. The most spectacular was when he drove his famous white mini through the portal of Chilworth Manor, into the hall, completed a couple of handbrake turns and exited before anyone could stop him. Even at our final lunch with him, Herry revealed that he was negotiating the acquisition of a Maserati Quattroporte so he could spend his final months exploring Hampshire’s byways in style. Sadly, he was not granted the time to fulfil this.
Herry’s family was of huge importance to him and in the 1970s he and Prue moved to Harvestgate where they created a perfect home for Radha, Edward and Charles, where many of us will have enjoyed their wonderful, and often riotous parties. Even when the marriage ended, and Prue and the children moved back to Australia, it is to both their credit, particularly Prue’s, that they remained close, talking each week on the phone, and with Herry making trips every year to Australia, maintaining a significant and enduring role in his children’s lives.
Herry met Ayako when she was working for a Japanese bank and persuaded her that working for a Japanese firm wasn’t going to be as much fun as being his wife. Once he had won her over he promptly set off on one of his visits to the Far East without her! She has been marvelously loyal and supportive ever since. Theirs was a long and happy union with a shared love of art and a deep spirituality. Ayako was not only the perfect foil to Herry but also carved her own niche as a mother and as an accomplished artist They made a beautiful home together in Wandsworth but their greatest achievement was their fabulous daughter, Kei.
She been a constant joy and support to them. A wonderful and caring daughter, she was a tower of strength to Herry in his final weeks.
Following his law degree, Herry joined Thomas R Miller in 1967 and entered the world of marine insurance, where he remained for 39 years. He always credited Bill Birch Reynardson’s chance invitation to join the company as the luckiest break of his life, saying “I shall never forget Bill’s wonderful tutelage, both in matters of business and in how to travel in style.”
Herry’s illustrious career is documented in his journal, and far too detailed to do full justice to here, but after joining as a trainee he went on to be Secretary of the International Group of P&I Clubs in 1972, then was appointed manager, with responsibility for Japan, and made partner in 1982. In 1984 he became founding manager of Transport Intermediaries Mutual, a new Miller club for brokers, agents and managers, and was made Managing Partner of Thomas Miller in 1987. He then became Chairman of Thomas Miller (Asia Pacific) and spent the next eight years commuting from London to Hong Kong, Japan, Singapore and China.
Herry’s watchword in business was integrity, and he learnt early that regular contact with his clients was essential. He travelled endlessly to achieve this, forming many lifelong friendships all over the world. He gave enormous support to those who worked for him. A former colleague wrote to him recently: “… I remember how often you were supporting and guiding us in our roles in Thomas Miller, as a constant influence in our lives over many years.
As my first manager, you were a mentor and provided me with a role model that I felt privileged to try to follow. You were a great supporter of new ideas and of course a leader in encouraging IT development.
The cheerful confidence with which you live life, and your ability to discern and illuminate what is good, or precious, or of fine quality, is a wonderful thing to experience, and must have endeared you to so many of your friends. It comes through in your journal, which is a treasure in itself. Moreover, some of the most hilarious moments of my life have been spent in your company. Being reduced to helpless laughter has been a regular feature of working with you.”
His interest in new technology never diminished. He was an early adopter and avid user of social media, and the latest iPhone would drop through his letterbox within days of its release – and, of course, there was the incomparable online journal.
Somehow, during his busy working life, Herry also found the time to be an active liveryman of the Drapers Company. He was very hands-on; a regular and popular, visitor at the Drapers Tottenham alms-house, taking charge of volunteers there. It may also come as a surprise to you that for the first four years of his career at Millers, Herry was a Territorial Army member of the SAS, spending weekends learning to parachute, or yomping in the Brecon Beacons, and finally passing out as Best Recruit in the 1970 two-week selection course.
Herry’s retirement move to Stockbridge brought him close to his Litchfield ancestral roots and to friends from his early in life in the Meon Valley. In no time, he became a well-known, and debonair, Stockbridge man-about-town. An avid champion of all its businesses, not just with his custom, but regularly popping in, getting to know their owners, and offering useful advice and support. The community will also miss his services as unofficial photographer for their local newsletter.
Herry quickly made many new friends in the village. He was on everyone’s invitation list and was the consummate host of lunches and tea parties, often in his garden, where Liz Cox’s lemon drizzle cakes featured prominently. A recurring theme amongst his local friends is Herry’s genuine concern for them, and his generous support for those in need of help.
His love of gardening started whilst living at Harvestgate, but it was the Old Swan House that proved to be the perfect canvas for his horticultural ambitions, and within a few years he created an enchanting garden which gave him enormous pleasure and fulfilment. He was thrilled to be invited to join the National Garden scheme, and for seven years he happily welcomed NGS visitors, often serving the teas himself. Even in July, with his strength slowly ebbing, he proudly held his last open day.
Photography was also hugely important to Herry and he avidly photographed everything and everyone, everywhere. We can all picture him, discreetly capturing myriad moments, then later, ever thoughtfully, sharing them. Many of you here today appear in the hugely comprehensive archive of Herry’s life and travels.
Herry’s humour was legendary. He had an enormous capacity for fun and many of us witnessed, and joined in, his frequent fits of helpless giggles. Kei recently reminded me that for some inexplicable reason, he couldn’t look at a picture of any long-nosed creature without laughing - and an anteater would leave him collapsed in a heap on the floor.
But one cannot remember Herry’s life without also touching on his spirituality. As with so many aspects of his life, this could not be described as conventional. His faith in a higher being was real, even if no religious label could be attached to it, and it informed his life to the end, giving him a strong sense of moral purpose. He knew that he was on a journey, and certainly in his 30s and 40s, he spent time exploring quite deeply the faiths of India and the Far East, which left a lasting impact on him. He wouldn’t necessarily have claimed to be a Christian, but when he moved to Stockbridge he started attending the church of St Peter the Less at Litchfield - attracted by his family’s historical connections to it and to the liturgy of the Book of Common prayer. Here he found peace and a community which welcomed him without question.
It's never easy to face up to one's mortality, but Herry bore his final illness with great bravery and dignity, and completely without self-pity. Not only did he tidy up the loose ends which so many leave to others, but in July, just weeks before his death, he was the joyful and attentive host at his long-planned family party here in Stockbridge, followed by a week with his immediate family in the South of France.
He lived life richly and fully from cradle to grave, perhaps best summed up in these final words from his goddaughter Nichola:
“He was a man of infinite variety; philosopher, philanthropist, party animal; he travelled the world, but was British to his core; highly sophisticated, but with the common touch; deeply spiritual, yet profoundly silly and, to the last, one of the most generous souls any of us will ever know.”
- Eulogy by Will Martin
Herry Lawford's funeral took place at St James the Less church in Litchfield on Wednesday 19th October 2022. His Thanksgiving service followed two days after at St Peter's Church in Stockbridge.
